No, really, according to this I am :)

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Yes, for some odd reason I R happy. Despite the split I am feeling damn good about myself. I have a whole new future to look forward to, a future where I can be me. Now don't get me wrong, I still feel a little sad things between Scott and I didn't work out, but more than anything I feel relieved. Things hadn't been working out for a hell of a long time if I am honest about things, we both clung together as neither of us knew what would happen if we didn't.

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But I HATE jazz! Loathe it with a burning passion! Oh well. Woof woof.

I'd say yes, though I am highly skeptical about programs like Most Haunted. Over acted faked shite if you ask me.

Have I ever encountered one? Well.... Maybe. It was in a pub after hours with some friends (and I was sober), and as we sat talking footsteps went right past us, yet no one was there. Could have been nothing though :)

Maybe I got that the wrong way round than normal, but in this case its how it is.

The move went well, and I am loving being back in Bentham. So quiet, freindy and clean! I go walking nearly every day, which is helping the waistline. Walked two miles up hill to Great Stone the other day, in the rain. It seemed a good idea at the time, and it was worth the walk but I got one hell of a chill late that put me out of action for a few days! Oops :)

However the news isn't all good. Scott and I have decided to separate. Its a mutual choice, we have changed as people and no longer feel the same way about ach other. He feels I could do better than him, I feel I want more of a future and so we decided to spilt amicably now than end up hating each other in the future. I have a place to go at the end of Sept, so more moving, but never mind, wont be as much stuff this time! He is staying in Bentham for now as it has made a huge difference to him and he is making friends already, so we will still see each other as friends.

I have met one of my old friends from school, I'll call him G, and we have been getting along well. Well, we have known each other for 18 years! I had a huge crush on him when I was 13, I feel a little silly about that now. We are spending time together but just as friends. Its scary how much he has changed and yet how much he hasn't changed at the same time if that makes sense. He took me out shooting the oher day, taught me how to fire a rifle. I hit all the stationary targets but missed all the moving targets. Never mind :)I went with him more for the view from his lan where he shoots, its a lovely area near Hutton Roof.

Forgot how muddy the country could be though :)

I shouldn't be writing in this blog. I should be packing. But I just cannot bring myself to work right now as I am far too hot and hate the weather!

So I havn't updated for a while, been running around like a blue arsed fly, bu5t Scott and I are moving to a nice little 2 bedroomed cottage in High Bentham on friday. Its perfect for us, though anyone over the height of 5ft 8 will hate the living room as its very low, with lovely wooden beams. My brother, who is 6ft 3 will be helping us move, so we advised him to wear a cycle helmet, just incase :P Oddly enough the rest of the house is fine. Its slightly odd in that the bathroom is downstairs, and the bedrooms are huge, it seems the cottage is an odd shape and our upstairs is over part of the next door place :P Oh, and it has the most lethal wooden stairs I have ever seen. The place itself was built in the 1700's, so it has very thick walls. Best of all there is a nice big (albiet shared) yard out back.

So its time to be ruthless with everything in the current house because there is no way we can fit everything in the new house. Hah, its ok, I don't KNOW anyone called Ruth! Sorry, bad joke.

Well, due to all the shit that happened with Scotts sacking from work and the worsening of his condition due to stress, and the knock on effect with me, it seems pretty certain we will be losing the house as we are behind in our mortgage payments, and despite being assured that we would be able to work something out with the mortgage company they have told us we have to pay and extra £140 on top of our existing payments or thats it. Now we can afford our payments now, but not the extra £140. Unless we don't eat which isn't really an option. So the eviction process will start in a motnh, and in three months we would find ourselves homeless.

However there is another option. We find somewhere to live A.S.A.P, and send the mortgage company the keys to the house, its called Vacant Possession.

Now like I said, I know I should be more upset than this, and don't get me wrong, I do feel like something of a failure for this, my perfect brother and sister have NEVER lost a house, and I just know I will get bitched out by my sister at least for this. However, on monday we are going to look at a 3 bedroomed house in High Bentham (my home town where I grew up) that we can rent. And I am actually looking forward to it. See, this place stopped feeling like home to me once the asshole neighbors started ruining things with the abuse and stuff. Home is where you feel safe, not where you feel a prisoner because THEY might be outside with their stupid freinds. A new start is just what we need, Scott and I go back to Bentham on a regular basis already, and Scott is amazed how people accept him there. He isn't used to to total starmgers greeting him like a long lost friend and talking to him, he is used to people calling him a freak and trying to start trouble. Plus there is the whole mental health support group "Looking Well" in Bentham that he can be part of.

So here is me, looking on the positive side for a change. Woo, go me!

When I was a teenager I adored special effects. I am not talking the fancy ass CGI things you get nowadays, a mean honest to god, good old fashioned make up, costume and animatronic special effects. And as a fan, one of my all time hero's was Stan Winston, the guy responsible for the Alien Queen from Aliens, the Terminator exo-skeleton and the Predator. I would have given anything to have even a fraction of his talent.

Well, today, I found out my hero is dead.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/17/movies/17winston.html?_r=1&%3E%3Cimg%20src=

Sadly he died last sunday, leaving the world a much more ordinary place.

R.I.P Stan.

Why is it when I actually feel like being social I can't find anyone to be social with?

*sigh*

The 4th was my 28th birthday. Getting closer to the big 3-0 but I try not to let it bother me :) My brother was 40 on sunday, so sucks to be him I guess :P Mind you, he did send me a card saying "Happy 30th Birthday", not yet though mate! Just a few years too early :)

I had a nice day though. We went over to my parents in the countryside, and had a nice meal there. It was very relaxing, even though I did have to stop to be travel sick on the way (puking in a lay-by, not done THAT since I was a little kid!). Dads driving sucks to be honest so it wasn't my fault! I was a sunny day, and I had really forgotten what a nice place the town my parents live in is. A lot of it has changed. The sweet shop where I used to spend my pocket money is now a clothes shop, and the local market had 3 whole stalls, rather that the whole square full it used to have. Its funny, I spent all my youth wanting out of the place, and now I would give anything to move back. Now that I am older and considering starting a family I can see how much nicer raising my kids would be in a quiet place like Bentham rather than the city I live in.

What was also funny is that when I grew my hair long, whenever I went back to Bentham no one recognised me as I always had short hair growing up. Now I have had it cut, I am recognised again! Whether thats a good thing though I don't know :P

I didn't want to come home :(

*sigh*

Sometimes I do wonder about my dear old dad. Like most men, he doesn't like going to the doctors unless he really has to (last time he went willingly it was because he had chest pains, that's what it takes him to go. Turns out he'd pulled a muscle, nothing serious.). As a result, he could really have done some harm to himself.

On monday he was getting ready for bed, and he was sat on his bed reaching across to pick something up when he fell off. Quite funny, yes, but when he fell he fell quite heavily against his chest of drawers, and as a result one of the handles snapped off and embedded itself in his arm. Now most people at this point would leave the damn thing where is was and get help, but noooo, not my dad. He pulled it out (OWWWWW!!!!), put a sticking plaster over the hole and went to bed. Of course when he woke up the next day his bed was soaked in blood, but hey, dad STILL being dad, he redressed it, put the sheets in the wash and came to pick my mum up from staying with us as normal. He showed her what he had done, she threw a fit as you could see the bone, but dad still refused to get it checked out. Until this morning, he finally saw sense and went to see a nurse at the local surgery. Who promptly gave him the bollocking of his life for not coming sooner. If he had just let it go it would never have healed on its own, and as it was it was too late to be stitched up, the skin that could have been stitched back over if he had gone even the next day was too fragile. So she cleaned it up, used tweezers to pull out the damaged skin (blergh!) and steri-stripped it in place. If that doesn't work dad is facing plastic surgery to close the wound. The nurse if confident, but if he had just gotten help sooner... Argh, he really makes me want to scream at times! He is 71 in a few weeks, how the hell he got to that age doing things like this I will never know...

Oh, and when he told the nurse how he dod it she laughed like hell. So did I, once I knew he was ok :P Falling off the bed indeed... *gigglesnort*

I love Doctor Who, I really do. As you can probably tell by my array of Doctor Who icons.. Heh heh heh. My all time favorite Doctor has to be Tom Baker, even though I wasn't even born when he started playing the Doctor, but Sylvester McCoy has a special place in my heart as he was the Doctor I remember watching as a child. I can still remember being terrified of The Horror at Fang Rock when I was 9 or so. The new series is also very good, I don't miss an episode for the world. And yes, I wouldn't say no to a roll in the hay with the 10th Doctor, but then with someone as geekily hot as David Tennant who the hell wouldn't! (One of the girls I used to work with actually, she hated him and thought I was weird. Nothing new there.)

But as good as the series has been there have been things I really dislike about it. The main being the Doctor seemingly falling for every single companion he has. I didn't mind the Doctor/Rose thing, it was sweet, and I cried my eyes out at the end of Doomsday when she was trapped in the other universe. Then Martha came along, and I won't hide the fact I don't like Martha (don't ask me why, she just grates on me), and lo and behold he snogs her too! Oh come on, lay of it will you.... And then we get Donna. Now I like Donna, despite hating her when I saw The Runaway Bride. And all seemed to be going well, until last weekends episode, and lo and behold, she snogged him. Ok, it was to shock him, but still. Oh, and lets no forget Astrid in Voyage of the Damned. I am sorry, but GIVE IT A GOD DAMNED REST!!!! Doctor Who ran for decades without any of this, and did perfectly well without any hanky panky, and now he is playing tonsil tennis with anything that sets foot in his tardis it seems. Its getting old.

So I hate to say it, when I read This I was pretty relieved. Now I am not saying Russell is a bad writer/executive producer, far from it, but I do feel the stories are becoming a little stale now under him. And Moffat is responsible for the great "Blink", one of my all time favorite episodes. I just love those angels. For days afterwards on World of Warcraft a group of us kept yelling "Don't even blink!" in guild chat, much to the confusion of people who don't watch the show. So here is hoping Moffat brings new life to the show, and maybe a little less romance. Please?

For years it has been my ambition to own a grey, white or grey and white cat. You don't see them very often and I think they are totally beautiful. Not that I don't love my common tabbies or balck cat etc, but white and grey cats have always had a certain something for me.

So imagine my joy when Scott presented me last week with a little grey and white bundle of fluff. She is ever so sweet, and we named her Calleigh, as I really like the name. And for a tiny 8 week old kitten she is certainly a little madam! She is a very vocal kitten, mewling on the top of her voice if she wants something or she isn't happy. A few days ago Scott needed to move her out of the way when she was eating, and she swore at him very loudly for it! And if she wants attention, well, there will be no peace until she gets it!

For something so small it surprised us to find out she can actually climb the stairs, and at a fair turn of speed with it. So we have grown used to having a little visitor when going to the loo. And this morning when Scott and I got up she snuck straight into the bathroom with him when he went to use the loo. Now being the day we were going to do some laundry, there was a pile of clothes near the toilet, as well as a bin right next to it, and somehow Calliegh managed to climb onto the loo seat and before Scott could catch her... She fell in. Before he flushed it.

Ewwwww.

Quickly Scott pulled her out and put her under the tap to clean her up, which she didn't like, but it had to be done. Luckily he had only taken a pee that morning, it could have been worse. And stinkier. Once she was clean and wrapped in a towel, we both sat and laughed ourselves silly. I mean, what are the chances of that happening? Pretty good it seems!! Hopefully she will have learned her lesson, but somehow, knowing cats, she wont have.

We then took her downstairs where we gently dried her off with the hairdryer on its lowest setting, something she actually seemed to enjoy. And once done we put her on the floor, where she promptly demanded food. So no harm done it seems.

So yes, Hap-PEE families all round!

Finally, something through the letter box that wasn't a bill! A while ago Scott preordered the Dexter series 1 DVD box set, and them we promptly forgot about it. So imagine how please we were when the packet that landed on the doormat (well, the imaginary doormat we have) with a satisfying THUMP was not a monster gas bill but the box set! A very nice surprise I must say.

( More Dexter and a bit of TMNT...  )

In this case, literally :) 

I decided it was time for a change, so I had my hair cut off.  It was just below my should blades, its now... Not.  Infact its very short.  No more than a few inches at its very longest.  I can tell you something though, its a damn site cooler than long thick hair in the current weather!  I like it, and don't regret having it cut off at all.

Finally, some good news!  Its about time we had some. 

*drum roll*

Scott has been awarded Disability Living Allowance!  From now on he will get around £60 a week, which will really, REALLY help things.  He's been declared unfit for work right now, so he is on incapacity benefit as well, which is more than JSA was.  And I can now claim Carers Allowance for Scott, which means I don't have to worry about getting back to work until my head is well and truely sorted out.  Oh, we won't be rich, but we will at least be breaking even.  Plus Scott is getting back into his woodcarving, and I am hoping to go on a jewellry making course soon.

Like I say, its about time he got this.  I am sick of people like the skiving bastard who used to live down the road from my mum getting DLA for his "bad back" (the guy did labouring on the sly, bad back my arse) when there are days Scott wouldn't even feed himself if I wasn't there to make him eat (Scott doesn't always see the reason to eat, even if he is hungry, so he would starve himself unless I prompted him to eat. Strange, but its just part of his disorder).

It was quite sweet though.  The claim was backdated to February, and as mum has helped us out alot recently, we gave her £100 of the money we got.  She cried.  I didn't realise it would make her so happy :)

Well, as part of my new start, I decided on a new journal, and as I always loved LJ over wordpress etc I chose to start it here.  All those user pics!  *hoards*.

So for those that know me and wonder why I disapear for a while, I'll fill you in.  Basically I had a nervous breakdown towards the end of february, went a little insane and spent the last few months in a haze, which I don't remember much of.   Thanks to some TLC from Scott and my mum, and some new medication I have come out the other side with a new outlook on life, a new DeviantArt page and a new journal :)  The name a was a joke between Scott and I about a goth porn star, but it kinda stuck.

But I am back, slightly less insane but the same loveable nutcase I always was :)